your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
