the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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