We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
