I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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