I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
