so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
