he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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