So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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