It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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