i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Someone came in the potted fern
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize