Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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