It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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