some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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