god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
