East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
