I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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