Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
