i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
