Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
what day is it and did you see me today?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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