i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
