I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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