So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
