I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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