sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
