I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
