4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize