i permit you to call me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and she was petting her beer can
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Randomize
