your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
