Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
