He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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