I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
from now on my penis is your penis
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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