so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
