my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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