addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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