I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize