You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
