she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
