He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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