the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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