so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
