im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
