she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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