I got chris browned last night
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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