my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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