If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
FUCK WHALES
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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