god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
