i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
