im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
