lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
