I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize