Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
