my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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