she looked like the before picture.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
