um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
