I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
