So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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