I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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