you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize