Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize