apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just invented taco cereal.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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