Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
