i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
