I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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