I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
