Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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