it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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