He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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