i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
this hospital has no fireball
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize