he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
