the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize