At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
