I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
