Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
