I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
