Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize