finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
