My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
