what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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