Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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