allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
