when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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