just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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