My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
