All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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