Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The best revenge is premature balding
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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