Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
