My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
