a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize