eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
