Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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