I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize