my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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