Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
