guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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