I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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